“Homegrowns Are Next”: Authoritarian Fantasies and Trophy Fumbles in the New American Circus

From Harvard’s billion-dollar standoff to Musk’s constitutional rewrite wish list, plus JD Vance breaks a trophy and Trump eyes tanks for his birthday, this is your Tuesday dispatch from the collapse.

Good morning, everyone unless you’re a constitutional democracy. In that case, we’re going to need you to stay calm and hydrated while a self-professed billionaire and a former El Salvadoran TV host gleefully livestream your dismemberment.

Yesterday, President Trump and El Salvadoran strongman Nayib Bukele shared a moment so revolting it may as well be sponsored by Amnesty International’s PTSD fund. What appeared to be an off-camera hot mic moment, featuring Trump fantasizing about imprisoning “homegrown” U.S. citizens, was actually captured by Bukele’s own film crew, who were livestreaming it to X. Yes, the authoritarian abroad proudly broadcast the American president joking about mass extrajudicial detentions as if unveiling a new line of sneakers. "You gotta build about five more places," Trump said, smiling like someone who’s finally getting to live out his wettest tinpot fantasies. Meanwhile, Kilmar Abrego Garcia remains wrongfully detained in El Salvador, despite a unanimous Supreme Court ruling ordering his return. One media outlet reduced it to a “tussle over presidential authority.”

At Harvard, President Alan Garber decided he’s had enough of playing nicely with people trying to gut the Constitution. After weeks of backchannel appeasement, Garber came out swinging Monday, rejecting the Trump administration’s sweeping demands to rewrite university governance, kill DEI programs, and “audit” ideological diversity across faculty and staff. Harvard’s statement was barely published before the administration retaliated, freezing $2.2 billion in federal grants and threatening more. Because nothing says “we care about antisemitism” like cutting off funding for public health research. Former President Obama, Governor Maura Healey, and even Larry Summers applauded Harvard’s stance. Meanwhile, Columbia, Princeton, and other universities have been caught in similar chokeholds, forced to choose between constitutional autonomy and government ransom. This is extortion with a letterhead.

If you’re wondering what Elon Musk has been up to while all this unfolds, don’t worry, he’s busy endorsing a plan to rewrite the U.S. Constitution and dismantle civil society. Musk reposted a thread Monday claiming that NGOs are a “parallel government” run by the Left and calling for three solutions: expand DOGE, replace Congress, or trigger a Convention of States to gut the Constitution from the outside. “We can’t fight fire with fire,” the author says. “We have to change the rules entirely.” Musk boosts it without a single disclaimer. For anyone still pretending DOGE is about efficiency, not ideology, this should clear things up. It’s authoritarian statecraft in plain sight, and Musk is happy to tweet it into your bloodstream.

Speaking of broken things, JD Vance tried to lift the college football championship trophy yesterday and promptly snapped it in two. As Queen’s “We Are the Champions” blared across the South Lawn, Vance tilted the 35-pound prize incorrectly, sending the bronze base tumbling to the ground. Luckily, an Ohio State player caught the top half mid-air, saving the Vice President from a full-on sports blooper. “I didn’t want anyone after Ohio State to get the trophy so I decided to break it,” Vance joked, reminding us all that even when he’s destroying something precious, it’s somehow... on purpose?

Meanwhile, Trump is reportedly in early talks to host the military parade he’s always wanted—on his 79th birthday, June 14. The parade would coincide with the Army’s 250th anniversary, but let’s be honest: it’s less about celebrating American resilience and more about showcasing tanks on Pennsylvania Avenue like they’re party favors. D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser has already warned the White House that military hardware might require millions in road repairs. But Trump’s been dreaming of his own Bastille Day moment since 2017, and with his administration now openly toying with authoritarian visuals, why not add marching bands and a few armored vehicles? It’s all just optics anyway.

On the tech front, the FTC is suing Meta again, this time for illegally maintaining a monopoly by either buying or burying all potential rivals, specifically Instagram and WhatsApp. Chair Lina Khan says Meta’s long pattern of anticompetitive behavior has crushed innovation and should be addressed under the Sherman Act. Zuckerberg, of course, is framing the suit as a political vendetta. But the facts are damning, and the timing couldn’t be better. As Musk consolidates DOGE and Trump rewrites academia, Meta's monopoly might finally face its reckoning.

Lastly, a quick personal note: after more than a decade, I’m migrating my dedicated server to a new hosting provider. The service just isn’t what it used to be, and I’ve decided it’s time for a change. Please forgive any temporary disruptions on the website in the coming days. Meanwhile, our Substack just crossed 21,000 views, a small miracle in a media landscape that’s increasingly allergic to truth, nuance, and punctuation. Thank you for being part of this. Your support means everything.