Bullseye Diplomacy: The Billion-Dollar Blunder

Trump bombs Iran, Netanyahu smiles, MAGA sells golf balls, and America melts under a heat dome.

Good morning! Before we dive into the smoldering wreckage of today’s global affairs, a brief confession is in order. In our initial coverage of Trump’s Iran strike, we repeated the widely-shared figure that each bunker buster bomb cost $500 million, (a figure that appears to have originated from a NY Post headline). That number, we now know, is high, though, as with all things involving the Trump regime, it depends how you count. The bombs themselves, the 30,000-pound GBU-57 “Massive Ordnance Penetrator”, run a mere $15 million apiece. Bargain pricing, really, when you’re punching holes into fortified Iranian mountains.

Of course, that figure doesn’t include the full orchestral production required to deliver the payload: B-2 bomber sorties, fighter escorts, refueling tankers, AWACS surveillance, satellite targeting, months of mission planning, forward basing, combat pay, hazard premiums, and post-strike repair bills that will add plenty of zeroes. Factor it all together conservatively, and the cost of Trump’s “bullseye” spectacle easily climbs north of $1 billion. Still a hefty sum not to have accomplished anything, and that’s before the global market fallout, retaliatory attacks, and long-term strategic consequences even start registering on the ledger.

We stand by the larger truth that this was a billion-dollar fireworks show, with geopolitical blowback now accelerating by the hour.

And speaking of blowback, let’s check in on the man himself.

With the mission barely complete, Trump took to his beloved Truth Social platform to declare victory in his signature style: “Monumental damage was done to all nuclear sites in Iran… obliteration is an accurate term… Bullseye!!!” For the avoidance of doubt, he added multiple exclamation points, because nothing says strategic clarity like an elderly man yelling “BULLSEYE!!!” into his own app while the world holds its breath.

Actual satellite imagery, meanwhile, suggests a less cinematic outcome. While Iran’s Fordow facility sustained some damage, its core enrichment capability remains intact. Even Israel, usually first to spike the football, issued carefully hedged statements. JD Vance, Trump’s ventriloquist dummy of a vice president, gamely insisted the strikes were “perfect” while simultaneously admitting that Iran still retains enriched uranium stockpiles. Small detail.

The U.S. strikes didn’t go unnoticed on the world stage. On Sunday, the United Nations Security Council convened an emergency session prompted by Iran, where Secretary-General António Guterres warned the bombing marks a “perilous turn” in global affairs, urging an immediate return to diplomacy.

Nations from China and Russia to Pakistan publicly condemned the action as a violation of international norms, decrying it as “irresponsible,” “illegal,” and likely to “escalate tensions” . Even staunch Western allies echoed the alarm, calling out the strikes as a dangerous gambit and demanding negotiations over more bombing. The message was clear: whatever Trump and Netanyahu may high-five about now, much of the world is watching in horror, not celebration.

But this wasn’t merely a military operation. It was also, naturally, a merch opportunity. Mere hours after launching the billion-dollar strike, Trump’s campaign blasted out fundraising emails offering supporters exclusive collectible Trump golf balls, “just $5 for your chance to win.” Nothing says statesmanship quite like monetizing your own unauthorized war before the first casualty reports hit the wire. FDR would be proud.

If all this feels bizarrely performative, that’s because it is. The strikes weren’t about neutralizing an imminent threat. As former CIA Director John Brennan laid out with startling bluntness, this was Netanyahu’s long game. “I do think this is something Bibi Netanyahu led Donald Trump to do,” Brennan said. Netanyahu, unable to reach Fordow himself, needed an American president reckless enough to pull the trigger. Trump, desperate for poll bumps and foreign headlines as his domestic troubles mount, proved an easy mark.

Netanyahu’s approval ratings in Israel spiked after the strikes. Trump, ever the narcissistic mimic, believed the same would happen for him. And why not? For decades, Netanyahu has expertly manipulated U.S. leaders across party lines. Trump just happens to be the easiest to manipulate. In Brennan’s words, “the military option was simply easy, visually impressive, and politically cathartic.” Strategy never entered the conversation.

This leaves us, of course, with the problem of what happens next. While Trump and his surrogates insist this was not a war, merely, in Vance’s words, “a war against Iran’s nuclear program, not against Iran itself”, the distinction is unlikely to register in Tehran. The State Department has already issued worldwide cautions, quietly acknowledging that American citizens are now elevated targets.

Retaliation has already begun, not with missiles, but with modems. Hours after Trump’s “bullseye” post, an Iranian-aligned hacking group calling itself 313 Team took credit for knocking Truth Social offline with a DDoS attack. Trump’s prized platform went dark just as he was posting victory laps. The attack was relatively minor, but serves as a warning shot. DHS is now openly warning of potential Iranian cyber retaliation against U.S. infrastructure, financial institutions, and public utilities.

And naturally, the MAGA media machine is already working overtime to shift blame preemptively for any future attacks. Charlie Kirk, fresh off his latest Biden border conspiracies, solemnly warned his audience to “stay armed, stay vigilant, we don’t know how many sleeper cells Biden let in.” Fox News helpfully recited Iranian border apprehension statistics under Biden, just in case any stray act of terrorism can be pinned on someone other than the man currently dropping bombs.

Meanwhile, as the international stage burns, the homeland simmers, literally. A massive, early-season heat dome now blankets virtually everything east of the Rockies, subjecting over 200 million Americans to dangerous triple-digit heat indices. Cities from Chicago to Philadelphia are declaring heat emergencies, opening cooling centers, and deploying medical hotlines. Professional athletes are collapsing mid-game. Even the PGA Tour is forcing fans into shade structures to avoid mass heat exhaustion.

The National Weather Service bluntly warns that this dome, rare for June, will only intensify into the week. New York, D.C., and Boston are bracing for sustained highs near 100°F, with heat indices reaching 108°F in some areas. The swamp metaphor has never been more literal.

It’s a fitting visual metaphor, really. The country’s leadership, trapped under a suffocating dome of its own making, lurching from war profiteering to climate denial to authoritarian theater, while average citizens cling to cooling benches and cheap golf ball raffles.

Bullseye.